Saist (saist) wrote,
Saist
saist

The UT bots.

A semi-long explanation behind naming UT'99 bots Theresa. After the jump. . 
I did get an email from somebody who has played UT'99 with me asking what was up with the Theresa bots anyways. Well... um... here's the explanation.

Some readers have encountered a friend of mine who goes by Ryeata. Actually should have been Ryeatus holding to the Latin naming scheme... but oh well.

Ryeata has a cousin named Theresa. She... typically lives up north... how far up north I'm not saying. Now, Theresa had a tendency to get into trouble. Lots of trouble. In fact so much trouble that Theresa's mom figured it would be a good idea to get the the girl out of the house and palmed Theresa off on some relatives down south.

Cue Ryeata's entrance into the story. He's got his cousin with him for the summer, and he warns me about her. Something along the lines of "be prepared to run." So I meet Theresa while picking up Ryeata for some roller hockey. I'm not going to say she was ugly... but um... if you've ever read T. Campbell's Fans! comic, and you are familiar with the character of Tim... take the female version of Tim pictured in comic #41, and give her blond hair.

So... repulsive is a probably a better term. My first question was whether or not she was French, mainly because well it was Georgia in the summer, and she was wearing shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt which clearly showed off that she didn't shave... anywhere. I'm sorry, I know there are a lot of French who do shave their legs and under their armpits... but that's not the reputation that the French have.

Okay, fast forward several weeks. I've gotten to the point where I'm not even entering Ry's house because Theresa has successfully made a habit of creeping me out. In fact, I remember the day that I finally put two and two together. Ry and I had been practicing again at roller hockey and on our way back he said something... and I put together that Theresa's comments towards me where flirtations. Five seconds later I got 2+2+2=6 and I realized exactly what it was she wanted to do with me... which resulted in me pulling over to the side of the road... getting out... and... well... vacating the contents of my stomach through the route normally reserved for entrance.

When I had recovered, I made it a point to avoid Theresa for the rest of her stay... which was appearently drama filled in ways I'm not going to discuss. Drama that eventually resulted in her getting shipped back up North.

Once she was gone I was asked if I would clean the computer out. Now, I already knew that this... girl... had expressed interest in ... well. sleeping together. Cleaning out the family computer I came across various chat logs, cookies, and other misc items.

On a whim I decided to do a quick search for my own name in the log files...

Now... I know what a ballgag is... Contrary to popular belief I have actually been in a Hot Topic without burning the store to the ground afterwords. I know what fishnets are too.

However... ballgags, fishnets, figs, peanut butter, eggs, rope, and a crude term for taking it up the rump all in the same sentence with my name... and you can probably bet I wasn't feeling too well again.

Thus began the naming of bots in UT'99 Theresa. It was... therapeutic... to simply kill bots named after that which had broken my mind.

In some forms the Theresa jokes continue today when Ry or I need to describe something extremely repulsive. Since I never bothered changing the naming configuration files on my bots, copies of UT'99 still often have ever single bot listed as Theresa.

So now you know... although I bet you no longer wanted to know.
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